Rizal's first gift

June 19, 1877

Today, I turn 16. It feels like a rite of passage that every chico must enter to come out a joven. Nothing exciting has happened to me except that I seem to be more attracted to the chicas here but they always seem to be whispering about me probably because of the way I walk, stand and look. I just received my first present this morning from mama. Her gift, which was almost as huge as a gabinete was patiently sitting by the door waiting for my hands to rip the sleeves of the wrapper open. As wrecklessly and quickly as I possibly could, I then realized that mama got me the Total Body Gym!!!



I could not believe my eyes when I saw this massiveness before me! All the murmurs and mocking jokes suddenly rushed into my head reminding me what my feeble, fragile 16-year old body was up against. I desperately need something like this to prove to those jealous bastardos of classmates that they are nothing but low self-esteemed and inferior bobalicones and to those naïve and innocent chicas that I am more than my body that must definitely be reckoned with.

I can’t wait to grow and become as violento, fuerte, and gran as the great Chuck Norris who endorses this product! I may be small and physically abnormal than other chicos my age but I will definitely grow out of my physical deformities. Young and innocent chicos will look up to me while indecent and malicious bruscos will learn to fear me. No one is ever going to pick on me! Chicas will flock to me but until I have the eye of the most beautiful Leonor Rivera, I will not stop using this machine. Mama has given the most practical gift that will satisfy my youthful cravings of defeating peleones and win the hearts of mujeres.

I will turn my arms into guns of artillery, shoulders as broad as aparadors and abs as hard as the rocks beneath this house. Having gone through 16 years of being made fun of and laughed at, I’m tired of hearing loud whispers and soft heckles that accost me everyday. As much as I try to prove them wrong with my charm, wit and intelligence, I am still not the typical adolescente people expect me to be. I hope this Total Body Gym workout will appease my insecurities and turn me into the next Walker, Texas Ranger of Calamba!



Jose "Pepe" Rizal
(Margarita Cantada)

Rizal Remembers His Birth: out of the UTERUS and into the WORLD

It was in the Lakeshore Town of Calamba, Laguna, a Wednesday, 19^th of June 1861 when I first stepped out into the real world.

It was really very hard for me to leave my mother’s womb because I felt comfortable in there. I’ve spent the last 9 months just taking in whatever my mother Teodora is eating and I am very used to it. There was a time when I got very bored of just staying in my mother’s uterus that I tried to analyze how the human body works.

Even as a child, I already said to myself that when I grow up, I want to be a doctor. One day, when I was about to explore the placenta, arteries, and the veins, I felt something was pulling me out. The uterus of my mother, where I was staying was getting smaller and smaller. I was really trying not to go out of there because I am not yet done exploring my mother’s body. But then, there is nothing I could do, I am just a small boy and the force outside was very strong so I just decided to let myself out of the uterus and into the birth canal.

After I got out, it seems that everyone was crying. I heard Daddy Francisco telling stories that when Mommy was giving birth to me, she almost died because of my big forehead. I think trying to memorize every part of the human body while I am inside my mother’s womb was the reason why I have that sizeable forehead. I am very thankful that nothing happened to my mother. I love her so much. I also like the name she gave me, “Jose”. She named me after the Christian saint San Jose.

Jose "Pepe" Rizal
(Kristina Salac)

My first words

good morning or good evening to all of you out there who are now reading this blog. I was suddenly compelled to share all my innermost thoughts and feelings about my personal experiences to the world. I mean its not like I go parading out in the streets telling people how i feel about how the government is corrupt and inefficient or how you could still drink from the pasig river in my time. It takes a certain degree of trust and people really have to earn their way to hear these personal stories, which is why i think you my audience are worthy enough to hear what i have to say.

anyways... lets get to the point. I was walking around the streets the other day when suddenly a healthy serving of bird crap hits me right in the eye. There were several ways on how i could've reacted to this and i chose the most natural one. Anak ng ****! I proclaimed. That was the first time that happened to me and it really pissed me off, which brings me to another story.

my first words... no it wasn't anak ng ****! It was anak na pepe, which is totally different from anak ng ****. I really don't recall how i could've said a series of three new words all at once but i dunno, that's what my parents told me. But why anak na pepe? When you come to think of it, it does makes sense that those were my first words. I was an offspring of my parents then and I also still am now which explains the anak part and my name's Jose which explains the pepe part. Even back then, i guess all my words made sense.

Maybe we can push this analysis a little further. Why anak na pepe? even in my younger years i guess i was already aware that i was an offspring, not only of my parents but of my country. I owe it to my parents and my country for bringing me into this earth and raising me to become the very respectable man i am now. I guess thats why i said anak na pepe because that is what I am and it really pays off being true to yourself and to stick to your beliefs and principles. Take me for an example, I was true to myself my whole life, i got shot for it but hey i'm still blogging now and enjoying life. Was it worth it? yes, i guess. How is it possible i'm still blogging? i don't know. anyways thats all the time i have for now. 'til next time!



Jose "pepe" Rizal
(shawn yap)